The Moments That Define Us
Life is simply a compilation of moments that define us. Whether it's an unkind word leading to a wounded spirit or a major milestone life event, moments and how we process and react to them shape us to our core.
Just like everyone else, my life has been a compilation of moments molding me into who I am today, but none of those moments was so powerful as the birth of my son a month ago. He has literally changed my life. (I'm using the literal meaning of "literal" here and not basic girl slang).
The moment I held him in my arms is the moment I realized that everything from that second until the end of my life would be different. This tiny adorable squishy human is depending on me for survival, for protection, for advice and love. My role in his life will have a major impact in who he becomes, how sees himself, how he operates in the world and his capacity for love.
As I've spent time with him over these past four weeks and we've gotten to know each other, I've fallen completely in love. My ability to operate without sleep has increased, my patience is doubled (but is still often stretched thin), and I feel like I'm 1000 times more selfless that I was a month ago. While all that is awesome, the most powerful realization I've had is this...
I cannot tell my son who to be, I have to show him.
This realization is the main motivation behind this blog and journey to discovering my true self. It is terrifying to think that I can tell my son every day to love his neighbor more than himself, but if I'm selfish, short tempered and unloving, how will he know how to love?
As I shared in my last post, where I'm at in life is due to many decisions made out of fear because of lies I believe about myself. If I tell my son to be brave, but I've built my life on the foundation of fear, what will bravery mean to him?
Showing my son who to be seems like a daunting and nearly impossible task because it is. I certainly won't be perfect, but the future demands that I try.