Hey.

I'm Jess Ness and currently reside in Nashville, TN. Welcome to my raw journey of motherhood and discovering my true identity to live fully from my passions. It's going to be a messy ride and I'm excited to share it with you. 

Missing Myself

Missing Myself

We just returned from an amazing week-long beach vacation in Santa Rosa, Florida. The time with family was so sweet, taking baby Jonas to the coast for the first time was exciting and the books I read were life changing. Every time I go on a beach vacation, I bring about five books to read and finish at least two of them while I'm there. This trip, I read Love Warrior: A Memior by Glennon Doyle Melton and Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist. Both of these reads were life changing for different reasons; I will be unpacking the revelations I received from these wise words for quite a while and using this platform to do so.

The most impactful revelation I've had so far that I can't seem to shake is from Present Over Perfect and can be summed up in this quote...

 

Richard Rohr says the skills that take you through the first half of your life are entirely unhelpful for the second half. To press the point a little bit: those skills I developed that supposedly served me well for the first half, as I inspect them a little more closely, didn’t actually serve me at all. They made me responsible and capable and really, really tired. They made me productive and practical, and inch by inch, year by year, they moved me further and further from the warm, whimsical person I used to be...and I missed her.
— Shauna Niequist

WHOA. It's like Shauna, the author, dug around inside of my thoughts and put them into writing way better than I ever could. I am really, really tired of being the always responsible, capable and busy, busy, busy version of myself. Keeping my agenda packed just enough to always be tired and not empty enough to allow room for true connection with others or myself...keeping real knowing at an arm's length.

The two sins at play here, I believe, are gluttony and pride-the desire to escape and the desire to prove, respectively. I want to taste and experience absolutely everything, and I want to be perceived as wildly competent. The opposite of gluttony is sobriety, in the wildest sense, which is not my strong suit. And the opposite of pride is vulnerability-essentially saying this is who I am...not the sparkly image, not the smoke and mirrors, not the accomplishments or achievements. This is me, with all my limitations, with all my weaknesses.
— Shauna Niequist

My aim is not to quote the entire book to you but those two passages are such an accurate representation of my heart right now that I could not have said it better. I've shared that the goal of this blog is to reconnect with myself (because I miss the warm, whimsical person I used to be) and be vulnerable about sharing the journey with you all. 

I'm very excited to get to know those closest to me (including myself) on a deeper level by being more vulnerable and honest. By allowing myself room to be, room to breathe, rest and live. Bravery will be required to say no to some opportunities, to only cultivate relationships that are life giving and to slow down enough to be still with myself. As I'm typing these words, it's crazy what a foreign concept slowing down is to me and the anxiety I'm feeling as I embark on this challenge. The fact that I'm feeling anxiety about being still is a red flag and a sign that I'm way overdue for a reunion with myself.

An invitation (to myself and you): As I start this journey of slowing down, saying no, learning to be still with myself, I will need accountability and would love fellow travelers. If this resonated with you in any way, make sure to catch my next post in which I'll share how I'm embarking on this journey so you can do the same if you'd like. I'm not promising it will be perfect, but I am promising it will be real and I'd love for you to join me.

Reunion with Myself: First Challenge

Reunion with Myself: First Challenge

Prove Yourself to Yourself

Prove Yourself to Yourself