Reunion with Myself: First Challenge
If you read my last post, you know that I was recently slammed by the realization that I’m using busyness as a shield from truly knowing myself. I’ve buried myself safely in the depths of work, mommying, house cleaning, errands, throwing parties and saying yes instead of no.
I’m tired. Tired of always running, worrying about the next thing in the midst of the current thing, always being exhausted and most of all tired of not really knowing who I am because I never spend time with myself. My goal is to reach a place where I understand what makes me happy, inspired, sad and angry, I want to learn what I find beautiful and what stresses me out. I want to pay attention to my emotions (because they’re trying to tell me something) and stop burying them because I’m too busy to process them.
During breakfast with some lady bosses this morning, we discussed how easy it is to let what you DO define you. Think about it...that’s the first question someone asks you when you first meet. “Hi, nice to meet you. What do you do?” Candidly, I hit rock bottom last summer because I WAS my job and poured all of my time, energy and attention into it to the point that I neglected every other aspect of my life and almost ended my marriage. Not. Healthy.
All of that to say, I’ve had more than enough red flags, warning signs and indications that I need to slow. The. Hell. Down. Message finally received. I’m surrendering to time and allowing myself to exist in it instead of being an observer of my own life. The sad part is, I don’t even know where to start. I spent this past week researching yoga classes, books, mediation and even googled “how to be still” to try and figure out where to even begin. SAD, I know. But I literally cannot ever remember a time that I was still. Growing up I remember being stressed when I was relaxing because there were always chores that I was supposed to be doing; it felt like I had to work in order to deserve rest. I’ve had a job since I was 15 and only recently graduated with my MBA which means this is the first time in my adult life that I have not been working and going to school at the same time! The point is that I don’t know how be still and it’s going to take some stumbling around in the dark and quite a bit of practice before I even start to get the hang of it. So, here’s my attempt…
Personal Challenge #1: For the next 10 days, spend 15 minutes a day being STILL. This can mean sitting in a peaceful place with no phone, Netflix, noise or distractions. This can mean meditating. Or, it can mean taking a nap because I never allow myself that “luxury.”.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic and for you to join me in the 10 days of stillness challenge. How do you connect with yourself? What are ways you’re able to find stillness?
All the love (and stillness),