jessness.com

I think there is a certain time of year where i feel especially depressed about the future.. Generally this time of the year is all year, but currently i seem to be contemplating the hopelessness of it all a little more than usual. As it is January 2009, i will be 21 in 9 days, i have no university degree, no full time job, i have no skills, no aspirations, and no overriding sense of purpose. To top this neither am i married (i don’t think marriage is really something to be aiming for but generally if you’re missing all of the above marriage seems like the way to go for most).
I have applied for an university degree next year, doing something i am vaguely interested in (or at least was in year 12 when it was one subject out of 6), but that i am not really sure will lead to a job, or whether i would like that job. I thought i had found a job that i really enjoyed in my new job at a photo store, but it turns out that i despise many aspects of it, including the shitty menial tasks, so the prospect of maybe taking a year off to do that is also now out of the question.
In about May this year, my lease will run out. If it wasn’t for the lease and the commitment to the band that i would be going to the Nationals over Easter with them, i could quite easily just pack my shit today and leave. But considering i don’t really have a home to go to anymore anyway, that doesn’t help at all does it.
When i originally planned to save money for a year and then go to England, i had hoped that by the end of last year, i would have discovered a passion for something and some skills which would have meant i would have been going over to a job. As it currently stands i’ve got “nuttin”. I discovered for the year that No, i in fact did not want to teach music to children EVER AGAIN, and no, i have no skills for anything else. Vague interest does not equal skills and experience in the land of employment (which is a grave pity).
So i guess the basis of my current conundrum is that i currently have no aims. I wish i could say i loved playing my tuba and didn’t want to do anything else, but i’m not that into it. I wish i had a passion for photography but i only like taking photos of flowers, and not the ones that most other people like. I wish i didn’t mind doing menial tasks every day and dealing with rude customers, but i just do. Sometimes i even wish that there was a family trade that i had no option but to enter into, because at least that would be something.
To top off today, some salesman came in to work to sell magnets (wtf i know! we’re a camera store, piss off with your magnets) and to cut a long story short he told me that because of my lack of sense of humour, i would make an excellent house wife.
bastard.

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one week til N.Z
ten days til 21st

also this new layout is matching my current mood so it will be staying… unless i get tired of it i guess.

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So this is the new year? And i don’t feel any different.

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jess would like it to be noted that it is indeed christmas today and she is more than pleased with the gifts she has purchased for herself.
she would also like it noted that in 18 sleeps she is going to new zealand and in 21 sleeps she will be 21!

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it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking.. it’s not creepy stalking..

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is not terribly depressed like her mum thinks she is. She’s just quoting the boosh.

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